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The Best E-mail ever
July 09, 2002, 11:30 PM
The follwing is an e-mail that Allanon sent to me a long (sort of)time ago. I was thinking about e-mails today and this one, always comes to my mind when I think of him or the e-mail or memories. It ment the world to me when I read it the first time, and it still hold mening to me, even now. It's too bad I'm not sure if he still think any of this.
For Blaze,
Tonight we talked and learned a bit, maybe grew.
I think I'm starting to learn how to talk to and understand you.
I made a discovery last night.
All you need is love - it's the truth.
All You Need Is Love
All You Need is Love
Sorry about the song.
Just remember, the secret to happiness is:
Love thy freinds, thy enemies, thy nieghbours
But most impotantly, love thyself!
You have to accept what you've got.
And know that you can make it better.
You've got to let me help you.
To make it right.
All I want is your happiness, I'd give anything to see it.
And I mean true happiness, not the facade.
I know I make you happy, but that's not enough.
I want for YOU to make you happy.
I want you to see that what makes you so wonderfull is not that you're a good person,
but that you can realize the bad things you've done and regret.
You're depressed because of self-pity, it's not a bad thing
Everyone has it, even me...
Do you remember when I talked to my spirit?
It told me to help you, that that was the most important thing...
I know now that it was telling me the truth.
Nothing matters more to me then you
And I know that you don't see often the goodness in you
But it's obviously there.
In the fact that you want and more impotantly put the effort into
helping people
In the fact that you worry more then most about
me and those who matter most
In the fact that you can love me, and the fact that in that love, you can learn to love yourself.
I love you for all that you've done.
I love your smile
I love your freckles
I love your eyes
I love your mind
I love that you're wiling to let me in
I love that you let me see your world
I love that you're wiling to explain
I love that you want my help but don't know how to ask
I love that I love you and want to help
I love that I can talk to you about anything
I love that I can care about you, show affection in public
I love that you taught me about music - how to listen to more then instrumental
I love that you've made me see that there's more to life then a tv and computer
I love that youve given me a chance where most people would call me too quiet and shy.
I love that I can think about you nonstop and just be happy.
But mostly I love you *my full name* YOU
Everything about you
And I know that you're constantly depressed,
and I know that you're constantly upset, mad, angry and confused, frustrated
But what I love is that I know I can help and i know I will
If you'll let me.
I love that you care enough about me to do anything, but what I want more then anything, is for you to want to stay here. Please don't so anything drastic, I'm sick with worry here, but i have to trust that if you said you'd be at school tomorow, you'll be there, and so anything you might do to yourself can't be too drastic. Just remember, no matter how bad things seem, they always get better, they will always always get better, Always...
I realize how much I mean to you, and I want you to mean that much to yourself too, this e-mail might seem a little selfish, but it's not, just remember, the things I want are good for you.
We've let this slide for too long, I've ignored and pretended that you are good when you're not. Everyone has walls but yours are more, and you're right, they can't be broken down, but they can be taken away, I know it's true, I can feel it! And the things we're gonna have to go trough, might be pretty bad itn tracking down these problems, but it'll be worth it in the end, we'll emerge stronger, and better people, but most importantly, we'll emerge together and our love will have intensified a billionfold for it. I love you more everyday, I think about you all the time. You are everything to me, we need to get some time together sometime and work this all out. and I promise to tell you anything, and all I think and feel, if you'll agree to stop hiding your true emotions, and lying - to me at least, if no one else. This may be asking a lot and I'm sorry, but it's something that we both need.
Star (Bryan Adams)
Star
Let me be your star
I love you Blaze
Allanon, you tin soldier forever :o)
Later Days,
Blaze
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