A Deep Feeling... that I'm Lost
October 19, 2003, 10:25 PM

everyone is being rather deep tonight, and as I read before I wrote I find myself longer to let the real blaze you. True I don't do it offten and the few people that have known me for a long time haven't Seen Emerald Blaze more then a couple of times at best. As for the "new" members of my life I doubt they've ever seen more then a glimer behind her eyes.

My Computer access seems to be coming less and less, I feel small, lost and bitter. As I have no way to help myslef feel "better'. I have been makeing enries in my paper book when I should be taking class notes, and as I'm being yelled at from the other room, this thought must too be squleshed as I go to trap myself in a world of loneny self-destruct.

Even if I could fake it for one day, I would feel like I was an actor (and a good one) and could feel even the smallest sence of accomesment. I feel like a phonx not long after bruning day, I know that I am the most beautiful, remarkable, mystical "thing" that has ever graced the pages of life. However, I'm sitting here in a pile of ash ugly, meak, and helpless. I know what can lye at the end , I finaly see it, but there is this battle, and I'm lost in the moment.

Fuck you, I'm getting off since you need bed..... Somtimes I feel I'll never get to let her out for good.

Later Days,
Blaze

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