I "Hate"...
May 04, 2002, 12:41 a.m.

Ok, here I am after having a very up down day, but I'm not feeling very well.

You see I have in my gut, the feeling of uter "hate" for many a thing at this moment. Well I must digress that this "moment" has been going on for longer then I wish to let on. The reason I have not spoke out about such things before now, it i have reason to censor this diary to eyes That I know I would be talking about. I belive that said persons would be sure to put me on their "hit" list. Due to this, I'm not sure I will even mention such things about said people in this entry.

On the advice of my loved Kalfalfa, I'm trying to think of nice things, or at least things that don't make me upset. But I'm sorry to say I am not having any luck with this. (Sorry love) but to do him just I will dump a little of my unhappyness here, in hopes I might sleep tonight.

Kalfalfa and I were having quite a nice evening (no thanks to procidings of this morning), but as soon as he left... who is ever in "charge" up yonder... decided to have some not nice fun with me.

My mother came into my room and asked me what my aunt had said when she phoned, I told my mother that my aunt hadn't said anything to me. But what was said to my mother, is that my Grandpa Chuck is not well.

Side note: this comes as very unhappy news as my Grandma Nancy, and my Great Aunt Hazel have both just had major surgery to remove cancer, and have put much stress on the families of both my Dad and Mother sides, making my little family a little worse for wear... but more on this another time

My Grandpa was/is most swollen and whent to find out why, and to make a long story very short, went in to the Dr. and got a test and they found out that his heart is leaking. *Heavey Sigh* this is not good news. My mother is now very worried about her dad (with just cause). and she wonder into my room tonight to tell me such.

Now this would have been fine to tell me but then she went off on her little "things" and made me feel that I wanted to hit her and/or cut myself sooo bad.

She said "will you get mad at me if I give you some advice on your life?" I sighed and said "go ahead" and she then told me that I have gain far to much weight, I look awful, I have been SOOOO "moody" lately, and she blames it all on the fact that I'm on the Pill. (mom has never liked the fact that I'm on the pill) and she told me I'd best make an appointment with my Dr. and find something better, 'caues I'm wrecking my life.

Then as she is leaving she asks me what I'm doing tomorrow, I told her that Kalfalfa and I thought we might not go to the CPO and that we wanted to shop instead. She asked "shop for what" and I said for her (as mother's day is coming up).

She get's off my bed to leave and eyes my "teen witch" book (this is another VERY touchy issue between us that I will not get into in this entry) and says "Will you stop reading that witch book?" and I said bluntly "No" then she said (in a voice none to happy) "then will you put it out of my site?" I'd had enough by now and she was hitting tender nerves so I replyed "no, it is not your bussnesswhat I chosse to do with my book, or my chocies" (or somthing close to that, but a little more harsh). at this point she grabed my cat off my bed and left the room.

Oh but wait that's not the end.

not to top it all off she comes back in moments laterand says "I want you and Kalfalfa to go to the CPO tommorow, I don't need you shoping for me, just pick somthing up at HP,Blah blah...." at this point I slightly lose my temper with the women, and I can not at this point remember what I said, but it was loud and unhappy.

ok end of mother story I was very upset at this point and talked to Kalfalfa on-line he calmed me down a bit.

well there is more detail to the story but seeing how it is 1:15 AM and I need to be Up at 7:30 AM and I haven't really slept well in a week, and and and. this entry is at a close for the night.

GRRR too life.

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