I Want the Old Me Back
May 07, 2002, 11:13 p.m.

my gods I don't want to writealways on the nights I should the most I want to the least. Tonight I'm mostly worried about hurting ohters if I write here. I know what I say in my disclamer but, putting that into pracite it's not as easly done.

I spent a good 5- 10 mins crying on my bed after getting off the phone with Kalfalfa, then turning on the light, I looked into the mirror amd told myself over and over how much I hated that girl in the mirror (me) and all the reasons why.

I not really mad anymore at people, just really upset. I don't get it, I asked for things, small things. like heysweetie I asked her ages ago to write a small note in my g-book, and she hasn't but she wrote in her "real" friend's book without any prompting, there is much more anger to this matter that I really don't feel like getting into right now.

and then there's my KalfalfaI left him a note, it said e-mail me, it asked him to leave me a note in my g-book, it wondered if he might be kind enough to let me know what he thought of my old diary... but alas I did not recive any of my requests, in anyway.

and on MSN mawce doesn't really talk to me (althought this last convo. was better) mawce doesn't say goodbye when she goes off line, anymore, nor does she say hello frist. of coures mawce isn't the only one to do this ... I've just noticed it more with her latly.

I had a very not nice day, and the people that I wanted to look to for a little somthing.... well I guess I'm beeing punsihed for beeing so selfish, and I'm sorry gods (or who is ever in charge of these things) I'll try harder to put others first, this is my fault I feel this way. But I know I don't any I wasn't put here for me.

I just want to cry... I think I might. I need a good, sharp talking too. "blaze you're a stupid, stupid girl and I hate your guts! why can't you just die already"

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