Not Sure if Writing Helps
October 03, 2002, 10:01 AM

Eeyore was very glad to be able to stop thinking for a little, in order to say "How do you do" in a gloomy manner to Pooh. "And how are you?" said Winnie-the-Pooh. Eeyore shook his head from side to side. "Not very how," he said. "I don't seem to felt at all how for a long time." -- Eeyore





I don't feel like talking, but I thought that maybe if I sat down here and tried to write out some of what I'm feeling it might help. I feel that I'm full of it by saying that, but who knows.

Everything is hurting right now. My pride, my body, my mind, my soul. Nothing feels like it'll ever be ok again. Allanon and I have really messed up lives right now, I really need him to be here for me right now. I'm feeling all alone with my strugles. According to my famliy "It's just a shock that you of all people would be on antidepressents" and other helpful things like "oh it's all in your head, you don't have a problem..." blah blah blah. My mother is having melt down after melt down, which is putting my dad on edge everything is so tense. Of course there is my Grandmother, my brother and all of the issues that go along with that. With thanksgiving coming up...*sigh* this just sounds like to much in my head.

As for Allanon, his family is no better off then mine is, in fact I think it's worse for wear. His dad (Ernie) is going into the hospital today to have a cancer lump removed from his bladder, his mom (Mary) took the day off work to go with him. Now that might not seem so ood but the thing is Ernie moved out (read about it Here) a few months ago, there has been big talk of him leaveing for good. Last week Ernie went to Ontario and he came home last night and talked with Mary. Now Allanon is feeling really bad it looks like his family is beeing torn apart, and his dad was supost to talk to him last night but never came up to see him, so when Allanon asked Mary about it this moring all she said, was that Ernie has told her he had made some decisions when he was in Ontario, and she was apperentaly crying as she told Allanon this. Now he knows nothing else and he's feeling upset 'cause he has no idea what's going on.

Now I really want to be there for my love, he is so imprtant to me and I want to be here to help him through all of this. However I'm fighting my own very hard battles right now and he is the only one that seems to understand or/and or care right now. I feel so upset at my own bad thoughts about his and my own family life. I am lost in my own world, scared and trying to deal with it alone. Everything is so edgey in my life right now, but I really need to be taking time for me. I need to make sure I'm ok (if you know what I mean). I told you I was full of it.

Later Days,
Blaze

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