Weak & Without Drive
October 25, 2002, 3:41 PM

Crying is weak. I never used to cry I feel like I have lost a part of myself when I started to cry. I slap myself to remind me how stupid I'm being.

when I cut the first time... gods I'm not sure, but I started and I couldn�t stop till my whole body was cover with scratches, I told people I fell of my bike (which I did do on my way to school) but everyone tolled me I looked like some cat atacked me.

I'm just a bad person, and I want to be strong, but how can I do that when I give into melting? maybe I do it because I hate myself so much. I look in the mirror and want to die, but not really.

I want to be able not to hurt myself but it's so hard when I�m alone.

and why is everyone app on making me see I'm not bad, when I clearly am... am I missing something or are you?

I'm selfish, mean, I lie, cheat, steal, I cut. I make fun of people and hope it hurts, I'm arrogant, stuck up, cruel, and just unkind.

I think this makes me a bad person, I want to change. But I need to be different too.

I know that I want to live like this

Dance like no one is watching,
Love like you'll never be hurt,
Sing like no one is listening
and live like heaven on earth!

I want to know how to do that, I guess I'm happy I finally have a goal to reach but, it seems so empty, without a drive.

I don't even know where I stand. oh well this is me. I know lets kill her.

Later Days,
Blaze

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