How I Want To Get Off This Cliff
January 14, 2003, 11:33 PM

in acordance with my 'routen' I'm to write everynight. I tell you I just don't feel like it today or right now, or whatever.

it wasn't the best of nights, while cooking dinner with Allanon I had a total breakdown and bawled my guts out to him about, all my woes of the moment. He's told me that he'll talk toMawce and Darque Angel but I just know that something will get messed up and I'll be in deep sluge again(still and always). I can't talk to them I just can't. Damn cryptic entries... moving on.

Allanon and I had a wonderful nap this afternoon, we were going to have really good loving sex, but my red week hit minutes before we were to start *big fat rats* so I slept in his arms mostly naked for 90mins or so, it was really nice. My headspace went down hill after/during cooking after the nap, and in a vain attempt to burn myself (I can't cut due to hooked)I caught my bangs on fire. The whole under side is in ashes badness and the bad bad smell. argh. The leave of frusration is getting higher and there is less and less I can do about it. I even thought today I would startMawce's one month rule. How I want to get off this cliff, but I'd rather walk to the new land rather then throw myself off the way I just came, but if things keep on like this... I'm not sure my thinking will stay that way.

Later Days,
Blaze

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