A moment for my head
September 30, 2004, 6:03 PM

I will never talk again. I do not have any idea why I want to do this; apparently suck at it, but when was the last time I did not suck at something? Moreover, you wonder why I do not care. Even the one thing I thought I could really like, I fuck it up and stop liking it. This so sucks. Everything got hard this year. Everything I thought at the end of last year is just being restated.

My tummy hurts. I feel so alone. I want to give up. �Death to the girl, she needs to die�.

What go am I? No really, what good am I? I am not scholar, I cannot well you know. I have no idea. Do you know how people like to be told that they are the best? I just want to be told what I can do.

I feel so low. I should become a hooker. As a female, it would be the only thing I can really do. You might think that I am being melodramatic, but I am not. I really think that this is the only thing I am suited for.

It is no wonder I want to die. If you could only live a moment in my head, I don�t think that I convey this very well, Like everyone else I just want to be understood.

I can list so many of my bad things, but I cannot see anything good. Anytime I find something good I try to work on it, and then I am told how bad I really am. I am so sick of being shot down. All I am trying to do right now is to create organization in my life. All of my comforts lead to viscous circles. I say hi to people and they ignore me.

I crave structure right now. Not so long ago I was asked to join a BSDM manor in Edmonton, to become a personal pet (perhaps one of many) of mistress Darkniis. Right now, that sounds like my idea of a wonderful safe heaven. Could I do it?

Take me away. I will die in my dark if I 100% lose sight of the light � any light. Am I worth saving? Am I worth anything? Do I want to be? I do not know how to think or feel anymore, I have all but given up as is. Where will my next step go?

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