Needing Some Blaze Time
August 13, 2003, 2:47 PM

So I'm slowly falling back into an old way of life. I started to be how I was in grade 8, not to say I'm proud of that, but it's the only way I know that works. Despite all that happened at that time in my life, I was happy then. So I guess when I'm saying is that I'm finding it hard to see downside to what I'm doing.

I have been sadly neglecting many things that I wish I could do, I work on two review sites and I haven't done reviews in months, this makes me feel terrible I know what it's like to sit and wait for review forever pitches need to get off my ass and do some of it. I also have two months back logging of entries that I have to accomplish, I started working on that yesterday, so I at least feel semi productive, which does give me hope, however I can't help but feel down in the dumps. I just want to a make a difference in my life, you know with trying to get off my pills, buying the pass to the gym, recording the dates of my menstrual cycle, getting out fantasy books from library, making an effort to get together with my work friends and other such things.

But it's going to take three months to get off my pills, I haven't been to the gym in weeks, my period is still coming at funny times, I haven't read in a long time, and I wanted to read every night before going to bed. I haven't daily routine to heaven bother to follow, I need some blaze time but I feel super bad about not getting together with friends.

I just don't know how to do the things I want to do. I've tried Mawce's counter, I've writen things up, gotten out book, spent time on the net, even gave myself mini (or large) Pep talks. I thought things were going to be different this time, and even though I have been seen vast improvements in the past couple of days, and still feeling like I'm letting myself down.

I guess the reason I'm writing this, is that I'm crying out for help. I need help. I can't do it on my own I've tried I've tried for years, nothing I do seems to be working. I feel like a failure, but the scary thing is I know I'm not a failure, but everything I've been doing suggests otherwise. Wont somebody please help me?

Later Days,
Blaze

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