Everything is so messed up
May 09, 2003, 11:59 PM

My poor Cerridwen is very sick. Everything is so messed up, She is lossing and missing things left, right and center I ran an online virius scanner, yeah it founf over 800 trogans, worms and other viriuses, I cleaned most of them up, it only too... lets see, today is Friday, and the moon is waxing.... 5 hours or somthing like that, and She still isn't wronking very well. It's a good thing Allanon comes home tomorrow I'm about ready to throw her out the window. (Even though I know it's not her fault I just need to take this anger out on somthing)

Speaking of that I SI'ed today, my nails needed to be cut so I ate them. They got all jagged and such... Will all the slime I haven't been doing well with, I gave up and gave in, and the funny thing is I don't really care. I even want to do more, harded, stronger, longer. Maybe I think it'll make everything else managable, or it could be I think I'll feel better if I go back to being the 'old me', I could be thinking that Allanon will be really pissed at me and leave me, same sorta brocht for MP, DA, and Mawce they'll get so fedup they'll drop me like a bad habit. But really, WTF do I care?

Allnon comes home tomorrow, I should be jumping with joy, and if it had been a few days ago I might have, but now my head is going, this is nice, who care, it's not like he likes you anyway, he doesn't even really want to see you, you know. And then it's starts geting worse, your just a bitch, you shouldn't think thoses thing, you don't desver him, the powers that be hate you.. just like everyone else.... yadda yadda.

I slept for 2 hours this evening, I should be .... well less tried then I am, I just feel like everything in me is giving up, I guess I asked for it. I'm going to do a nose dive into my keyboard here so I need to slide into bed.

Later Days,
Blaze

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