Such A waste of skin
May 05, 2003, 3:45 PM

I want to die, I'm so sick of getting yelled at. People hate me where ever I go. I have thoughts One ofthe most for front thoughts is that of putting a gun to my neck and pulling the trigger (not unlike the part of Shawshank), and the moment of quick yet horrid pain, that might last for as long as my dead broken body wishes to hold it.

But I can't do anything about these thoughts, not with Allanon so far away, he made me promousi I'd be in one peice when he got home. So my thoughts have truned to SI'ing. I don't desiver to live. I only make people upset.

Gods I wish I could die.

thnks for the hug I know when I give them out it doesn't always seem good enough, but trust me those hug did help a bit. you know.

I don't know, it's so hard to think of things I might need when I'll I want to do is die, and be self destrictive

thanks, I wish the other people wished the samething. I guess I'm hopeing for too much

That's not what I meant. I can think of a few people that it would real make a difference to, but I wish .... oh fuck it, I'm just not meant to be liked

Maybe, I'm so not sure at this moment. I'm getting all lost in my head

I'm pissed that I can't get a hold of allanon. Not his fault, I could use even a hello from him. I get nasty e-mails saying that people have been complaining to the list mom's that my swaps are crap, and they aren't happy. I love swapping , but I think people there are very elitist and cliqueish when it comes to it. I try really hard, but I have many issuse. I still want to do it, but how can I enjoy it when I get treated as a bad swapper?

the only thing is swaping works on deadlines, and it makes me feel worse to have to much time pass

As for Allanon he's not back untill Friday, but it looks like it'll be even longer then that. I really don't deal well with have plans change. If that flucking moose hadnt hit him, I could talk to him now, he'd be home soon. GRRRRRRRRRR

it hit his car saturady night. I thought of that, but I don't know where he is today, and I don't want to sound stupid

I could I guess

what do I do? What do I ask for? I can't make life worse for anyone, he'll flip. I don't feel ok, I'm starting to flip ot on myself, but I can't ask. I'm so tangled up and lost

ok well I think I'm going to crwal onto my bed and pretend life isn't happening

Blaze

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