Sittin in the garden...
September 24, 2003, 11:32 AM

Well I got back my 1st marked thing and like always I've fucked up. Well I got 4 out of 5 giving me a B, not bad I guess, but since most (this means 90-95%) of the class got A's it just proves my ever plaguing stupidity.

It's hard for me to feel anything thing but worthless. I can't figure out my CPSC215 assignment. I tried to do it on my own, I did what I could, I but I got so lost and so frustrated. So I did what I do best, I gave up.

Look at me! I have a paper due tomorrow, and I haven't even started it yet. I'm feeling so lost. With my laptop dead I can't take notes in class, so I'm falling very far behind, I spend my time trying to take notes like all you "normal" people, but then I miss half of the lecture, then since I'm flaying about I have yet to even crack my books, so we're coming up to being about a month behind, and tests are looming close. I'm freaking out about writing this paper (one of the reasons I think I'm pushing it off) since I "write" papers by using my voice recognition software, so I can get all my thoughts down and then do the hard part of the paper. But I don't have that since I have no laptop (with everything I need on it) so it looks like I'm "Up the creak without a paddle". I just don't care.

So I'm a weak baby. I try to work and I fail. I want to join clubs but I haven't, haven't the time, and haven't the friends. I bought stuff on a whim for Allanon yesterday, got home and found out I have 200$ less then I thought I should.

So let's recap....

Blaze has....
No Money...
No Laptop...
No Friends...
No Brains...
No Hope...
No Self worth...
No Dreams...
No Goals...
No Time...

So I have gone back to begging the powers that be every night through tears, to not let me wake up the next morning. so far I've been SOL but who know maybe tonight I'll get lucky.

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