Free Hooker
July 19, 2002, 11:44 PM

Allanon just left. I wish I wasn't who I was/am. I'm just an outlet. no matter how many time I tell myself that it's not about them just wanting me for sex it always comes back to that. But let's face it who wouldn't want me for that, I'm better than any hooker, I'm free! I just lie down and take it, they get what they want, and all it costs them is to see me again.

It makes me sad. Here I am after really being used by mike, and then that whole thing with nathan, plus various other things, I am now with Allanon and I was getting over the whole, "I have no ieda what's right with sex" thing, I mean I really thought I was here for guys (and girls) to do there stuff on, and I thought that it was ok. I WAS starting to think I was wrong, I was getting into the things I'd always "dreamed" about etc... After tonight, I know I was wrong. I'm here to give others sex. It's all I'm good at, it's all I'm good for.

Now I know this is my fault, I did it to me. The guys are so lead on by me, and then I push to hard and I let them do what they want. It's not about love, I don't think I really can love.

Ok I'm just talking myself in circles I'm going to end this here for tonight and go to bed with tears in my eyes and self disgust, in my heart.

Later days,
Blaze

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