Four Days and a wedding?
January 12, 2005, 9:21 PM

Four days, what is up with that? I really do not feel like it has been four days or maybe it feels like it has been longer, it is so hard to say sometimes. I am failing myself again; I really want(Ed) to try to write more often. However, here I am four days since my last entry; I guess I am writing now, which could be a start. Ah Blaze, there you go. You are always trying to look as if you are not failing as bad as you really are. Anyway, I wanted to get back into writing more for a number of reasons. One of the best (in my eyes, now, anyway) is that if I write journal/diary entries more I might be better at writing essays and typing exams. My typing speed and ability might get better and I might have an easier time starting when I sit down to write but hell, what do I know? The other thing is that it occurred to me I have holed myself up in ways I never thought could happen to me. I have been procrastinating today with some online quizzes and it seems to me that I cannot put the same answer as I once did. Yes I realize that is somewhat cryptic, but I'm not ready to share details right now, I'm hoping to fix the "problem"

Oh some news for those of you who know This Lindsay I ran into her at school today � she was engaged yesterday! Honest I am not fooling. I didn't ask but I gather it's to Jessie, seeing as Lindsay isn't the type of person that would be going out with someone at the end of November (the 2 of them stopped to talk to me at the 12 days of Christmas) break up with him, find someone new, and get engaged. I know there are stranger thing that have happen but � honesty. I think it is a good thing; I got very happy for her. The last person to tell me that they were getting married I was very iffy in my feelings, but not this time, I have to say it was nice to be that happy/surprised/pleased to hear of such news. The whole thing stirred many a thought in my head, not helped by the fact that Allanon said not moments after, that "maybe I (Allanon) should get engaged � if I can find the right girl" very since my mind has been thinking non stop about such things. I feel as if things have been set in motion now, one of the people I know is in more then a long-term relationship, things are moving to the next level. Most of my pals (and me) are at the age where it does not seem so odd to be walking down an isle, moving out, finishing school, or getting "real" jobs. It is still too soon in my mind for kids, but that is another topic.

Blast, this whole entry seems disjointed and poorly written I hate that. I bet I am feeling icky-ed about they style of my writing is that I am trying to get the paper I have edited for tomorrow. However, with my 'need' to write you think it would be better I mean after all, I still have not talked about my life, I talk about random things and thoughts (not that any of that is bad) but I don't talked about my family, or Allanon's family, or Allanon for that matter. Sure, I talk about Allanon in passing, but how often do I talk about my feelings surrounding him? I do not emote about my friends either. Maybe I am sick, can anyone tell me what it is that I might be I am hiding from or avoiding? Perhaps I will try again, in my next entry.

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