About Bloody Time I guess
January 7, 2005, 11:56 PM

Then there are some of us who do not seem to update at all. The semi-sad thing is that I have been updating to a small degree, but all tucked away in a new little project. I am not sure where I stand with myself right now, but it might be time for me to dust off my life and wave it at least semi-proudly in people's faces. I feel that I used to do that on some level then I am now. However as my Grandfather said once "the mind is a funny thing"

My mini updates have included some disgust with myself, other people, and a hell of a lot of anger. I do not want to ... err ... how I put this without sounding mostly hypocritical. I guess I feel that I'm trying to find myself again, I lost myself when I was between 8-10 and have built up this funny picture of how I think I should be based on the feedback I have "received" from people over the past 10 years. I guess right now I feel that if I want to find myself, I can't listen to feedback, and the best way to do that, is to not put myself in a place where I can get feedback on thing that I deem "cleansing". I am not sure that made any since, than again I have been running on a half tank since 2 weeks ago. I swear that if I keep this up, I will burn out by 25, no fooling.

Anywho on to random babble that I feel like sharing. More to be a pissant than anything.

So I went to see RAIN - A Tribute to the Beatles tonight. I bought tickets for Allanon and Ion November 18th (or some such thing) they were to be for his birthday (which is Sunday January 9th) but his x-mas gift didn't make it on time and then his new year's gift wasn't done ... so ... everything got shifted a little bit.

I was in a rather sour mood to start the evening, as I'm sure Allanon can attest too (this is before RAIN) but I had quite a nice time at the concert/thingy. I managed to get second row seats, which made me, feel special, even though the Gay couple behind us bitched for the first 15mins about the seats they were in. I found out later that they had won the seats in a public TV pledge drive, so I did not mind the bitching as much then, since they did not have control over their seats. Besides, they seemed to be enjoying themselves a lot so, ha ha on them.

Of course they could not play everything, but the encore was wonderful, a real send off to the evening. I think (know?) that it was the part Allanon liked best, so that gives it an extra two gold stars right there. They played some wonderful oldies, which are dear to my heart, and I got to sing along without pestering anyone, hearing myself, or feeling stupid, all of which are added bonuses. I was looked at right in the eyes by both the person who played Paul and the person who played John. "John" looked at me when they were playing Hey Jude. They asked the 20-somethings to sing the "Nana Na hey hey Jude" and I was belting it out looking at them. Then he pointed at me and looked right in my eyes, saying, "Wow listen to you belt it, I can hear you" made me flush a bit. Not sure if I am ashamed or happy with the flush. Oh well, not much I can do about it now, it is not like anyone but Moi will remember anyway.

A few other things I could ramble on about in this entry, such as the sudden craving for nachos, but the quality of my typing and coherent statements are becoming harder to manage. I think I will sign off then.

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