Good o'le Life Q&A
January 25, 2005, 12:01 PM

12 days?!?!, damn I'm getting worse. Well perhaps that is not a fair statment, but there is something that is bothering me about such stamtemts like that. You see as of late I can't seem to listen to what I am saying. Side Note: it bothers me that I can't seem to make that sound cohearant

The thing is that I think somthing, say somthing regarding that ... grr ... ok one more time ... ok maybe not ... Let's try an example
I think that I'm letting myself down for not updateding as much as I wanted to, then I say junk like "damn I'm getting worse." (I gather I'm looking for pity or something) but one part of me is feeling mad at myself when I keep tell myself outloud that I'm not worse, that it's my diary and I should write whatever and whenever I want, and why should it matter.

I have been having this problem for the last few weeks. It makes me feel so rotten that I can't get away from this mental attuded. In fact this conflict of brain intrests has me so muddle I feel frozen. Or this part of me (perhaps I mean my soul) feels stuck, trapped, Edgy etc...

It makes me so agervated that I can't even have emotion regarding this situation. I guess I have fear or something, But I am so frozen that I'm not sad nor am I happy. All I can do is think, it is as if I have become detached from everything and anything that makes me whole.

Maybe that is why I have all this anger and why I'm unleashing it on/at everything. Is it that I want to feel? Is it just frustration? Do I do it jus to push people away? Do I want to hurt others as I feel hurt? Am I embittered that other people don't seem stuck like me? Or is is that I feel such a deep sence of lost and longing and this is how I greave?

I want answers, not be all and end all answers, but answers that lead me to understand.

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