So Much For that idea
February 22, 2004, 11:12 PM

Ugh. Yup that sums up how I feel in one nice little word. What I nice little word.

I guess I should put a little more detail into that. I mean after all Ugh can be a wonderful little word for varying states of ughyness. Ohhh now that's a good word! Mine! I coined it!! Anywho ... moving right along.

Part of this Ughyness is coming from my poor scattered brain. I have my CEST 313 midterm tomorrow, I wanted this to go so right. Yet the are going so very wrong. This semester I was going to do all those good things that I know are in me hiding, yet here I was start of reading week thinking that I had mostly flushed that down the sink and reading week was going to be my time to get back on the motivation train. Yeah that worked out well, see as my exam might be over (issues with time of test) in less then 12 hours and I have done little to bugger all in getting ready for this. I should be panicked if nothing else. But, I'm not, I'm feel more bitter and growly more than anything. So I still have every good intention of fixing this abundance of inertia and apathy. Damn you apathy *shakes an angry fist at the celling*.

Also I'm so tried, Mr blood man hit full force this morning. Not that is bad, I mean I knew he was coming, but massive "i-am-going-to-puke" cramps for the next three day (not to mention that my blood flow has upgraded itself to need me to wear a tampon and a pad and change them every 4 hours *yuck*) Could not have come at a worse time, Since I have one 2 hour midterm tomorrow and one 3 hour midterm on Wednesday. No blood in my body = one run down Blaze.

So very late for poor little Blaze. I pain and stupidity of it all. I want to say up all night and get myself ready for my test. I need to fix the fact I haven't done anything. Plus being around Allanon sister and mother, I now have the idea in my head that I'm an f-ing dummy, and the only way to really be smart id to throw myself into school and pull all nighter everyday before tests. And there is that spark, [that I talked about last entry (et al)] still glowing very bright,right beside this dark apathy.

So that all said I think I have just confirmed my Ughyness.

Oh yes! Thank you all for leaving me with such happy stuff about my new page. Goodness I had 7 comments, 1 guestbook, 2 notes and an email! 11 contacts about one thing, gee I felt so loved. Those really helped me today. Thank you all so much!

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