I abhor being left in oblivion.
May 24, 2004, 11:58 PM

Things are so up and down, I have the stress of a person of 45(ish) that has a failed marriage, teenage kids and two career changes, that person of 45(ish) would be (by Dr.'s timing) have a heart attack or a nervous breakdown in less then a year.

It bothers me that I will be 21 two weeks tomorrow, and the stress that I have compounded over the last 8 to 10 months has lead me to this point.

As Allanon has pointed out I�m even stressing about my time of form work, this is freaking summer �vacation� I�m supposed to be 216% times calmer, nice going Blaze you can�t even live right, dumb ass.

Sufis to say things do not seem to be going as well as I would like.

I hate limbo.

I want to die, and yet I have never wanted to live quite so badly.

I broke down yesterday, with the heart wrenching realization that nobody really wants me. It scared the hell out of me.

I have excessively much to try to get out in detail. So much has happened in the last 48hrs. I just want the ability to elevate some of my internal burdens.

There are sometimes when no amount of writing or thinking will help a person get things sorted out in their minds.

Some things seem to come with a lack of outward expression. Moreover, a big part of me hates that.

It isn't just about the bad either, it can be just as perplexing not to be able to share in the good, or at least what has been the good for you.

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