Winter in Vancouver
December 13, 2005, 2:43 PM
Vancouver (Reuters) Day 2 - Vancouver Blizzard 2005 - Revenge of the
Commuters
Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today,
as an additional 1/4 centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing
the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of
damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is
some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are being
flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero
mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before
venturing out.
Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for
emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them
through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire
reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals. Drivers
were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been
shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive, although
most have no idea how to use it.
Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast
implants. Although Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority
reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25
below, down-filled bras are flying off the shelves at Mountain Equipment
Co-op.
"The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "I didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be
treated like someone from Toronto."
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