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Someone Got It Right
March 09, 2003, 2:04 PM
"Suicide is a way of telling God, 'You can't fire me because I QUIT!'"
-Anonymous
I don't know maybe I'm just too weak, that I was/am very triggered but having to do this project on Suicide Prevention, yeah that's it. I'm just really weak, now that has just reconfirmed all of my feelings.
I'm so torn between the one and the other. That isn't supposed to make sense to anyone but me.
I think it's my soul that aches. The realization of my inner workings is almost blinding me I know what I am, I know what I'm doing, and mostly why I'm doing it, yet I still do those things. I have to sit with my eyes wide open to my faults and watch as I destroy myself, piece by piece.
Sorrow, grief and madness consume me. I can't bear to look at myself, at anything that reminds me of me, as I am, this way.
I found this poem in my journeys around the net this afternoon. I read it and it sang to me, that both upsets me and makes me so happy. I feel what it says and I want it, but at the same time....
(Untitled)
By: Janine Basha
"I hate you, I hate you"
That�s all that I can say,
"I wish that I could kill you,
I wish you�d go away."
As I�m looking in the mirror
And tears roll down my face
I hate myself and this life
I have to leave this place.
My life has lost all purpose
Without you here with me
I have to escape from this unhappy world
I no longer want to be.
There is no reason in this world
That I would want to stay
My life just has to end now
And by my own hand is the only way.
I don�t want you to mourn for me
Or bother to say a prayer
Just forget I ever loved you
Please, don�t even shed a tear.
My life is in the past now
And so are you and I
If I�ve hurt you I�m deeply sorry,
But I just had to die.
And there you have it. to add some black humour to this entry as barney (Simpsons) said in his movie, "don't cry for me, 'cause I'm already dead"
Later Days,
Blaze
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